Humour Part 2

Please see Humour: Part 4 for an explanation of this post.

Equal opportunities:

Q. Why did the woman cross the road? A. Who cares? What the hell was she doing out of the kitchen?

Q. How many men does it take to open a beer? A. None. It should be opened when she brings it.

Q. Why do women have smaller feet than men? A. It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

Q. How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? A. When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..."

Q. How do you fix a woman's watch? A. You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

Q. Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. A. It's called a Wedding Cake.

Q. What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? A. A woman who won't do what she's told.

Q. Why do married men die younger? A. They want to.

Q. What have you done wrong when you wife comes out of the kitchen and starts nagging you? A. Made the chain too long.

MEN'S ENGLISH

1. I am hungry = I am hungry

2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy

3. I am tired = I am tired

4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!

5. I love you = Let's have sex now

6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?

7. What's wrong? = I guess sex is out of the question

8. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you

9. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you

10. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you

11. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you

12. Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for other men to have sex with you

13. You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to have sex with you within the next 3 mins

14.Let's talk = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and then I'd like to have sex with you.

15. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay