People you find on the Internet
Believe it or not, I signed up to online dating site OK Cupid just because I heard that they had very interesting and unique algorithms for matching people. Matches are calculated based on questions you answer, but there’s more to it than that. For any given question (e.g. Which is more important to you, true love or sex?), you choose a single answer, but you can also say which options you want a prospective partner to choose and how important that question is to you. So, for instance, I can specify that it is very important that they answer No to the question ‘Is God the most important thing in your life?’ This all works pretty well. Most of the guys suggested for me were actually pretty good matches.
Because I only wanted to see how it worked, I never bothered filling in any of the details on the site or adding pictures or anything like that. I got a few messages which were guys clearly playing the numbers game – if they send a generic message to every single female on the site, they figure they might get some hits. Those were promptly ignored. Late last year I gradually started filling in more and more sections until finally my profile was complete just before Christmas. Since then, the messages I get have generally been much higher quality, from intelligent, articulate people with whom I have a lot in common.
But there are exceptions! I got one message a few weeks ago from a guy asking if I was interested in casual sex. I politely declined and wished him luck and assumed that was the end of it. Then, last night, the following conversation ensued via OK Cupid’s live chat service.
| (11-32-54 pm) | Him | slut |
| (11-33-00 pm) | Him | slut |
| (11-33-35 pm) | Me | huh? |
| (11-33-42 pm) | Him | you |
| (11-33-46 pm) | Him | you dirty whore |
| (11-33-56 pm) | Him | bet you like it rough |
| (11-34-06 pm) | Him | and up the ass |
| (11-34-24 pm) | Me | sorry to disappoint you, but I really don't |
| (11-34-36 pm) | Him | >implying you know what you like |
| (11-36-50 pm) | Me | yes, I'm pretty sure I do |
| (11-36-57 pm) | Him | no you don't |
| (11-37-07 pm) | Me | and you think you know? |
| (11-37-08 pm) | Him | you a creature living off impulses and emotions |
| (11-37-15 pm) | Him | you're irrational |
| (11-37-18 pm) | Me | aren't we all? |
| (11-37-48 pm) | Him | no |
| (11-38-01 pm) | Him | women are |
| (11-38-05 pm) | Him | some men are |
| (11-38-34 pm) | Me | hmm, I think you just haven't known enough women yet |
| (11-38-41 pm) | Him | no |
| (11-38-45 pm) | Him | i know plenty |
| (11-38-51 pm) | Him | and they are all the same |
| (11-39-01 pm) | Him | easy to play though |
| (11-39-36 pm) | Me | and you find starting the conversation by calling them a slut gets you what you want? |
| (11-39-44 pm) | Him | indeed |
| (11-39-52 pm) | Him | umad? |
| (11-40-23 pm) | Me | I'm interested, but not in the way you're after |
| (11-40-53 pm) | Him | so i insulted you |
| (11-40-56 pm) | Him | and you are |
| (11-40-57 pm) | Him | ....... |
| (11-41-00 pm) | Him | interested? |
| (11-41-28 pm) | Me | not interested in you, interested in what motivates you to do this, and how it could possibly work |
| (11-42-10 pm) | Him | oh |
| (11-42-12 pm) | Him | dw |
| (11-41-30 pm) | Me | what sort of hit rate do you get with this approach? |
| (11-41-48 pm) | Him | 10/15 so far |
| (11-41-52 pm) | Him | not bad |
| (11-42-10 pm) | Me | 10 out of 15 replied? |
| (11-42-19 pm) | Him | nah they all replied |
| (11-42-30 pm) | Him | i've gotten my dick sucked by 10 |
| (11-42-36 pm) | Me | wow |
| (11-42-50 pm) | Him | imo 9/10 women are whores |
| (11-42-54 pm) | Me | that really does lower my judgeMent of my fellow women |
| (11-42-57 pm) | Him | yu just gotta bring it out |
| (11-43-22 pm) | Him | so it should |
| (11-43-39 pm) | Him | many are no better than animals |
| (11-43-44 pm) | Me | mind you, 9/10 guys are whores too |
| (11-43-53 pm) | Him | 10/10 guys are whores |
| (11-43-54 pm) | Me | there's no reason to hold women to a different standard of behavior |
| (11-43-59 pm) | Him | it's what we are made to do |
| (11-44-16 pm) | Him | women are supossed to choose the most worthy |
| (11-44-30 pm) | Him | to pass on the better genetics |
| (11-44-38 pm) | Me | well, yes, but that's only for long term ... if I just wanted a quick fuck, no need to be choosy about that |
| (11-44-51 pm) | Him | ^whore status proven |
| (11-45-17 pm) | Me | well, technically, whores charge for it |
| (11-45-36 pm) | Him | i'll give you a tenner to suck my dick and swallow |
| (11-45-39 pm) | Him | actually |
| (11-45-44 pm) | Him | extra 10 for swallowing |
| (11-45-51 pm) | Me | hahahaha |
| (11-46-14 pm) | Me | I don't like the term slut for people who enjoy sex, we're all supposed to enjoy it |
| (11-46-15 pm) | Him | ;) |
| (11-46-42 pm) | Him | you didn't answer my proposal |
| (11-46-51 pm) | Me | I decline your offer |
| (11-47-18 pm) | Me | so these 10 women who have accepted, what ages are they? |
| (11-47-32 pm) | Him | range between 17 and 32 |
| (11-47-43 pm) | Him | despicable isn't it? |
| (11-48-13 pm) | Me | what would you say the average age is? |
| (11-48-30 pm) | Him | why do you ask? |
| (11-48-36 pm) | Me | just curious |
| (11-48-46 pm) | Him | like 22 i guess |
| (11-48-52 pm) | Me | do you just message every woman on here? |
| (11-49-00 pm) | Him | but some outlyers bring the mean up |
| (11-49-06 pm) | Him | well |
| (11-49-18 pm) | Him | except the obese and obviously retarded ones |
| (11-49-27 pm) | Him | that would make things to easy |
| (11-49-31 pm) | Him | *too |
| (11-49-36 pm) | Me | hahaha |
| (11-50-03 pm) | Him | you find this funny? |
| (11-50-30 pm) | Me | somewhat, yeah |
| (11-50-50 pm) | Him | good |
| (11-50-57 pm) | Him | because it's surreal tbh |
| (11-51-22 pm) | Him | growing up watching disney cartoons |
| (11-51-41 pm) | Him | you'd believe women to be different than they actually are |
| (11-52-13 pm) | Me | well, the mistake is believing that women are a special category different to Men |
| (11-52-15 pm) | Me | people are people |
| (11-52-22 pm) | Him | no |
| (11-52-27 pm) | Him | there you are wrong |
| (11-52-30 pm) | Him | we are different |
| (11-52-51 pm) | Me | sure, I grant, there are some differences .. some biological, some cultural |
| (11-53-04 pm) | Me | but I think the similarities overwhelm the differences |
| (11-53-08 pm) | Him | so you made the mistake |
| (11-53-13 pm) | Him | no |
| (11-53-17 pm) | Him | no no no no no |
| (11-53-21 pm) | Me | especially in western societies |
| (11-53-27 pm) | Him | well |
| (11-53-29 pm) | Me | so what do you think the difference is then? |
| (11-53-40 pm) | Him | the way the male identity has been destroyed in western societies |
| (11-53-47 pm) | Him | we are more similar |
| (11-54-19 pm) | Him | more are more independent creatures |
| (11-54-23 pm) | Me | and how exactly has the male identity been destroyed? |
| (11-54-30 pm) | Him | are you kiding me |
| (11-54-37 pm) | Him | *men are more |
| (11-54-38 pm) | Me | merely that cultures no longer oppress women to the extent they used do? |
| (11-54-58 pm) | Him | Men are oppressed more than women |
| (11-55-02 pm) | Me | would you be happier back in the days where women were property, owned and controlled by men? |
| (11-55-12 pm) | Me | i'm sorry, but that is bullshit |
| (11-55-21 pm) | Him | really |
| (11-55-40 pm) | Him | i can provide you with examples if you would like |
| (11-55-46 pm) | Me | you are the privileged majority .. I know it is hard to see it when you are it, but there is no oppression of Men in our society |
| (11-55-48 pm) | Me | sure, please do |
| (11-56-17 pm) | Him | did you know it is impossible for a women to be a pedofile under NZ law? |
| (11-57-05 pm) | Me | I'm not familiar with NZ pedophilia laws, but I know of cases where a teacher had sex with a student and was prosecuted for it |
| (11-57-11 pm) | Me | female teacher, male student |
| (11-57-31 pm) | Him | thats not for being a pedo |
| (11-57-43 pm) | Him | thats breaking the student teacher relationship |
| (11-57-52 pm) | Him | in that case the law does not descriminate |
| (11-58-04 pm) | Me | well, I'm pretty sure it was a criminal conviction, not simply a breach of her employment contract |
| (11-58-22 pm) | Me | by the way, do you have a link for that? |
| (11-58-32 pm) | Him | one seconf |
| (11-58-55 pm) | Him | have to remember the wording to find it |
| (12-01-06 am) | Him | It is interesting to note that before 2005, there was not a law in New Zealand prohibiting any form of sexual relationship between adult women and male minors.[42] |
| (12-01-12 am) | Him | thats from the wiki page |
| (12-01-21 am) | Him | Mens rights have advanced since then! |
| (12-01-31 am) | Me | that's good ) |
| (12-01-34 am) | Me | any other examples? |
| (12-02-09 am) | Him | http//www.coeffic.demon.co.uk/descrim.htm |
| (12-03-05 am) | Him | put it this way |
| (12-03-12 am) | Him | if a couple divorce |
| (12-03-14 am) | Me | well, I've only read the first paragraph, but most of that is not any kind of institutional oppression |
| (12-03-18 am) | Him | and the women wants custody |
| (12-03-22 am) | Me | and quite a bit is not true in nz |
| (12-03-27 am) | Him | who do you think will b egranted it |
| (12-04-53 am) | Me | I think the general rule is joint custody ... although the children probably will reside with the mother more often than with the father |
| (12-05-07 am) | Me | BUT, I think this is not because of oppression of men, but opression of women |
| (12-05-38 am) | Me | the cultural expectation is still that wonmen should be the primary caregivers and homemakers and that men should be the breadwinner |
| (12-05-52 am) | Him | sooooo |
| (12-05-56 am) | Me | that is why children are usually given to their mothers |
| (12-06-07 am) | Him | but i thought we were equal? |
| (12-06-13 am) | Me | but that expectation is not good for either me or women |
| (12-06-17 am) | Him | is a male not as capable? |
| (12-06-25 am) | Him | a child is important |
| (12-06-26 am) | Me | we should be equal |
| (12-06-48 am) | Me | males should be just as capable .... and society should expect Men to be equally capable and equally good at raising children |
| (12-07-15 am) | Me | historically, child raising was really not seen as important |
| (12-07-48 am) | Him | it is the most important factor to create a great nation |
| (12-08-11 am) | Me | yes, I agree .... but history just doesn't show that |
| (12-08-16 am) | Him | well |
| (12-08-20 am) | Me | this idea of children being so important is historically relatively recent |
| (12-08-43 am) | Him | the idea is not |
| (12-08-45 am) | Me | in the past, infant mortality was a lot higher too |
| (12-08-52 am) | Me | people just protected themselves by having a lot more kids |
| (12-09-24 am) | Me | and it was important for the man to know that they were actually HIS kids |
| (12-09-37 am) | Him | ahhhhh |
| (12-09-41 am) | Him | another point |
| (12-09-58 am) | Me | hence the preoccupation with controlling women's sexuality ... which continues today in the form of your characterisation of women who like sex as sluts and whores |
| (12-10-57 am) | Him | yhey love my dick |
| (12-10-59 am) | Me | whereas a man who likes sex is more likely to be referred to as a stud |
| (12-11-20 am) | Me | and you presumably like pussy too, or you wouldn't be chasing it on here |
| (12-11-29 am) | Him | i dont like pussy |
| (12-11-34 am) | Him | i enjoy degrading women |
| (12-11-46 am) | Him | oh god |
| (12-11-56 am) | Him | im chatting to another right nwo |
| (12-12-06 am) | Him | she's making it easy |
| (12-12-17 am) | Him | apparently she stays home and mastubates alot |
| (12-12-33 am) | Me | really? after that approach she would tell you that? |
| (12-12-35 am) | Me | sigh |
| (12-13-09 am) | Him | i started with a simple "hey" with her |
| (12-13-43 am) | Me | well, that certainly would have had better results from me too |
| (12-13-57 am) | Him | i've managed to drag this much out of you |
| (12-14-04 am) | Him | a few pages of typing |
| (12-14-14 am) | Him | more than you would give most other guys right? |
| (12-14-18 am) | Me | true ... I didn't have anything better to do |
| (12-14-27 am) | Me | nah, I'll happily chat to anyone |
| (12-14-31 am) | Him | bs |
| (12-14-38 am) | Me | I had a bit of time to kill waiting for a friend to come over |
| (12-14-40 am) | Him | a "nice guy" |
| (12-14-46 am) | Him | you would spit in his face |
| (12-15-14 am) | Me | one of those fake manipulative guys who just pretends to be nice in order to get sex ... sure |
| (12-15-28 am) | Him | or a genuine guy |
| (12-15-32 am) | Me | but someone who is genuinely nice ... that's what I like |
| (12-15-38 am) | Him | that you mistake for one of these |
| (12-15-49 am) | Him | no |
| (12-16-34 am) | Him | no girls like nice guys |
| (12-17-05 am) | Me | definitely not true |
| (12-17-10 am) | Him | hahahahha |
| (12-17-21 am) | Him | i've put my theorys into practice |
| (12-17-26 am) | Me | look, I have to go now but have a look at this |
| (12-17-27 am) | Him | *theories |
| (12-17-28 am) | Me | http//www.heartlessbitches.com/rants/niceguys/ng.shtml |
| (12-18-29 am) | Him | bitch |
| (12-18-34 am) | Me | this has been a very interesting and informative discussion |
| (12-18-38 am) | Him | holla when you wanna swallow |
| (12-18-50 am) | Me | normally I'd wish you luck finding someone to have sex with, but I really can't wish for you to find women to degrade |
| (12-19-08 am) | Me | bye |
| (12-19-09 am) | Him | it happens whether you like it or not |
| (12-19-26 am) | Him | fuck off how |
| (12-19-30 am) | Him | *hoe |
Apparently misogyny is alive and well.