Humour Part 1

Please see Humour: Part 4 for an explanation of this post.

Every now and then, I get emails like this in my inbox:

Q. Why did the man cross the road? A. He heard the chicken was a slut.

Q. When would you want a man's company? A. When he owns it.

Q. Why are blonde jokes so short? A. So men can remember them.

Q. What's the difference between a clitoris and a pub? A. 9 out of 10 men can find the pub.

Q. Why are men like public toilets? A. They're always vacant, engaged or full of shit

Q. What have men and floor tiles got in common? A. If you lay them properly the first time, you can walk all over them for life

Q. How can you tell if a man is happy? A. Who cares?

Q. Why did God create men? A. Vibrators can't mow the lawn

Q. Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? A. Because those men already have boyfriends.

WOMEN'S ENGLISH

1. Yes = No

2. No = Yes

3. Maybe = No

4. We need... = I want.

5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry

6. We need to talk = I need to complain

7. Sure, go ahead = I don't want you to

8. Do what you want = You'll pay for this later

9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!

10. Are you listening to me?? = Too late, you're dead

11. You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me

12. Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs

13. You're so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot

14. Do you love me? = I am going to ask for something expensive

15. It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now

16. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

17. I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV

18. How much do you love me? = I did something today that you're really not going to like